A little while ago, I was working on a drawing for a friend for confirmation. I realized this would be a good time to share a bit of my process. I’m sure professionally trained artists may wince a bit. Still, outside of the regular school curriculum, I believe fashion design was the only course I ever took that covered drawing techniques.
Despite this, I’ve always loved to draw and practiced consistently throughout my life. I think I’d be a better artist if I didn’t lose motor function from neurological damage due to celiac disease. In some ways, that challenge makes the art I am capable of more special. I don’t get to rest on my abilities; I have to work at it, and relearn if I have accidental gluten exposure. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen too often, but a couple of times a year presents challenges (can’t escape the word filled with wheat products).
When I draw, I tend to lay out the general outline of the subject. After that, I will sketch in detail to see tentatively if I like how it will look. From there, it’s erase and refine… on repeat. This particular design, called “Confirmation,” was drawn with graphite and pencil crayon. I keep the main subjects in grey to emphasize the unseen reality of the Holy Spirit descending during this sacrament. It was very fun to draw! You can find prints on Redbubble if you are interested.
As an individual with chemical sensitivity, I have struggled to find cleaning products that my system can tolerate (other than vinegar and soap– those are great). One of my best friends introduced me to a company she loves, and I have not looked back since!
Norwex offers deep and thorough cleaning products that are free from harsh chemicals! I love their emphasis on low environmental impact, sustainability, and mechanical cleaning solutions.
Although I have not tried every product, I have nothing but good things to say about what I have used. I have personally found their laundry detergent leaves clothes smelling clean, with no perfumes, and I have had no adverse skin reactions! Their latest laundry deep clean detergent tackles even the worst dog messes with ease, which is more than I can say for other brands I have used in the past.
Our son ADORES the chenille hand towels, and drying after hand washing is simple when he pets the cute “pet to dry” towels. Their kitchen scrubbers are wonderful to use. I have tried samples of their oven cleaner, surface cleaner, and a few other products. I love their products! If you are looking for safe cleaning products without the harsh chemicals or fumes, give Norwex a try!
I was having a conversation with a friend recently, who has been going through many many trials, all converging at once. She was feeling distressed, with good reason, but also found deep confusion over why God was allowing this timing.
In these circumstances it may seem like God is leaving you standing with no direction, or that you are being left to solve everything on your own. In my experience, counterintuitively, these circumstances are actually always an invitation.
An invitation? To chaos and pain? Well, no, an invitation to go deeper. Deeper into your relationship with Him, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others.
Diving Deep
Going through life, there are always situations that are difficult and distressing, but they don’t necessarily mean you will experience an overwhelming level of emotions. When life events stir up a huge cascade of emotions inside, there are generally 2 main causes.
You do not have a FELT sense of having enough support from your internal resources or social support network.
The big emotions were already there inside, and you are in a situation that is poking at the places you did not receive love, support, and safety throughout your life.
An invitation
This is where the invitation comes in. In the first example, if you are in a difficult situation without feeling supported- it’s time to reach out and get help. That is no easy task, because it may not feel safe to do so, but you would be surprised how many people have lived through similar situations and who may have an attentive ear. You are not alone in the journey, others are traveling through the storms like you.
If your heart is being flooded by the intensity of your past experiences, that’s where you are being invited deeper into a relationship with God and yourself. Those places that you have lived through hardships that were held onto are usually there because the original experience was like scenario 1. You didn’t have the external connections necessary for post-traumatic growth. These are the places that we protect ourselves from the most inside, the places of trauma–big “T” and little “t” alike. Truly, these are the places that God wants to come into for healing and communion. These are the places we shut everyone out from, ourselves, others, and God alike.
But why?
Can’t he just take it all away? Make it better? Of course, but only with an invitation in, entering into the worst of it freely. God allows the circumstances of our lives to be invitations to self-reflection and awareness of the pains that we hold inside our hearts so that we can invite Him in on our own time to finally meet those unmet needs. We are made with such dignity that God will not tread freely through our hearts but will wait patiently until we are ready to say yes.
If life is getting too much, will you open the door?
I have wanted to write up this post for months, but, as I mentioned in my last blog post: my great ideas were derailed. Well, now is better than never!
A grand adventure in search of nostalgia!
I grew up in Ontario and had the opportunity to visit my grandparents out in Alberta every few years for Christmas. Those years, Christmas was filled with delightful memories of family, fun, and food! We would spend part of the visit with my maternal grandpa, enjoying delicious European foods, and part of the visit at my paternal grandparents’ house enjoying family recipes from their homeland of Guayana, South America. My grandparents came to Canada when my father was 10, and brought with them long-held family traditions, including our very own pepperpot recipe. This year, I finally asked my grandparents for the recipe to make it over Christmas! Now, I am not actually giving you guys the recipe, but sharing the absolute adventure I had… of making pepperpot with celiac disease.
Pepperpot, a dish for special occasions!
For those who aren’t familiar with it, pepperpot is actually the national dish of Guayana and is commonly served for breakfast at special occasions like Christmas. While you can now buy “pepperpot” sauce from President’s Choice Brand, my grandparents heavily stressed: … that… is…. not… pepperpot. Why? Because every true pepperpot recipe contains one special ingredient: Cassareep. Cassareep is a delicious extract sourced from cassava, used in Guayanese and other South American cooking. Herein lies the heart of this food adventure. I learned the hard way that Cassareep, at least all the ones imported to Canada…. ALWAYS HAS WHEAT!
What to do?
I… doing the very best research I could, through the help of one of my best friends… erroneously attempted to MAKE my own Cassareep. Now, I learned AFTER making the sauce, that Cassareep needs to be made with bitter cassava… which… is not imported in Canada due to the high arsenic levels (which… in part are what give Cassareep the distinct flavor as the arsenic is cooked off). Did I know this? No… of course not. Thankfully, I researched this before cooking the meats, because they are stewed over the course of 3 days.
Cooking process:
Instead of leaving the stew on the stovetop like you can with real cassareep (it has preservative qualities from the cassareep), I stewed it over many hours, let it cool, and stored it in the fridge overnight. This process was repeated over 3 days leading up to Christmas.
How it turned out?
While it was not exactly true to our family’s recipe because of my own dietary restrictions, my goodness was this ever a delicious meal to have for breakfast on Christmas morning! The flavors were nostalgic despite the missing Cassareep and were honestly fairly close because of my attempt that turned into a kind of cassava sauce. The meal was shared with my in-laws and I was so happy to share such an important part of my childhood with them, but more importantly: with my son. It filled me with joy that he enjoyed the meal. It meant so much that I was able to share this special tradition with another generation!
All in all, I would say that the recipe failed successfully! It may not be the family recipe to the T, but it was the closest I could do, and look forward to making it again next year.
My goodness! My well-intentioned goal of writing and contributing to this blog weekly has most certainly fallen through! This is a great place for my own self-reflection on the past season and look ahead to how I can do things differently next time.
First things first: why am I sharing my own pitfalls with you, dear reader? Well, to show that even if you look put-together, life is a process of learning and growing… for EVERYONE! I think what caught me off guard with this particular goal was a divide in my focus. In establishing this business, I’ve been working at the turtle’s pace, bit by bit. It started as homework for my Master’s degree in my “flourishing and development plan”, as a simple portfolio of my art, and has slowly blossomed into something bigger– and a little more immediate than my eventual goal of becoming a fully licensed psychologist. In the last few months though, I’ve had a lot of clarity for the direction I want to take this up-and-coming business to really hit the ground running. That’s where I stumbled: too many ideas at once.
Maintaining Balance
It’s always tricky with ADHD to see where the balance in that divided attention can be maintained. I’ve personally found my many interests and ability to hyper-focus to outweigh the impact of diminished executive function, especially when I take the steps needed for the support I require. In this case, I definitely bit off more than I could chew. So what now? Well, I’ll use a very helpful tool that DMU (Divine Mercy University) introduced me to in that same “flourishing and development plan” homework. WOOP!
No, no, I don’t mean to just exclaim exuberantly, though really it is a sound I make when I’m excited. WOOP is a really helpful system designed to take goal setting to the next level. It stands for:
So let’s WOOP my goal together:
Your WOOP Summary Your Wish: Have an active blog Your best Outcome: I’d write posts at least once a week Your inner Obstacle: Getting distracted by other priorities Your Plan: If “Getting distracted by other priorities” then I will “Choose a day to write and that be the business task”
Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!
I think we had an extra special day this year because unlike in previous years, there was some intentionality in planning to actually do something special. In previous years the hectic chaos of life got a bit in the way and in many ways, BOTH of our ADHD brains drop the ball HARD when chaos enters the scene. So what did we do? The day started with a relaxed morning, before heading to the bus to church for mass. Going to mass as a family is genuinely a highlight of my weekends.
After mass, we took a surprisingly gorgeous family photo by a beautiful blossoming tree, before heading for the walk home. We stopped at Timmy’s, where we grabbed some cool refreshing drinks and enjoyed the walk home… up-hill, and down-hill, as our street crests directly between our house and the church. When we got home we had a relaxed lunch before… BAKING CUPCAKES! I think decorating the cupcakes together as a family was a really fun time, and definitely something we will be doing more often. We used the Betty Crocker gluten free devil’s food cake mix, and I am happy to report that the quality on these box mixes continues to impress. The cupcakes had a good crumb, and were delicious!
As we come to the end of January, I can’t help but reflect on the upcoming anniversary that I don’t think I could ever have anticipated until it happened. 4 years ago, this February 21, God healed me in a powerful and miraculous way. It was unexpected, unanticipated and wholly life changing.
You see, I have celiac disease that went undiagnosed until I was 20, which had by then wreaked havoc on my system. Within a year of diagnosis I was diagnosed with co-morbid conditions and complications that at the time were deemed permanent. The decade of life proclaimed as the greatest time for self discovery and exploration was instead forecast to be marked with severe illness, that was incurable. I was found to have fibromyalgia and inflammatory arthritis in every single joint in my body. I have a lesion in my cerebellum that my neurologist says is caused by celiac disease and I was having migraines 25+ days of the month, among other issues. It was a pretty terrible time, though God’s grace was abundant as he led me to conversion to the Catholic church.
For years I did everything I could to read the latest research, which my doctor was fully supportive of as she herself promoted patient self-advocacy. I learned to balance pushing forward in exercise with avoiding excessive flare ups that would last for months. Back then gluten free options tasted, as a friend once brilliantly said, “like rice and sadness”, but I was making the most of the situation. I offered my pain in union with Christ’s cross, and truthfully never thought to ask for my own healing. I was too focused on learning natural remedies that actually helped when the medications caused strange and often disorienting side effects.
When you least expect it…
Then, it happened when I least expected it. I went to the Tuesday night adoration evening at our local parish, and sitting in front of the monstrance I was captivated. It is not possible to put it into words that would accurately describe the experience, but it was as though the monstrance was simultaneously standing on the altar but super imposed with the infant Jesus in the manger and the adult Jesus on the cross. I was transfixed on this scene when I heard in my soul the very clear message that God was answering my husband’s prayers and was healing the permanent conditions right then and there. I understood that anything left over would be curable over time, with some effort.
You see, even though I hadn’t been praying for my own healing, my husband had been praying a raw and honest prayer for 7 years. He had been agnostic when we met, though he couldn’t deny the impact my relationship with God had, so he prayed “God, if you are real, heal her”. I had gone into the church with labored breath, ungraceful movements constricted by arthritic joints, and left painless walking with ease. My close friend saw the difference immediately when we got up to leave at the end of the holy hour, and asked what happened. I shared it, delighted.
The healing journey continues…
I still struggle with celiac disease, though the reactions are no where near as bad or long lasting, and a few conditions that are treatable (like the most recent discovery of sleep apnea and nocturnal hypoxemia), but since that day I have been changed and capable of so much more than I imagined. Sometimes God heals us when we least expect it. Never lose hope, never give up faith, God knows what we need and when we need it. Sometimes it takes time. In my case, 7 years of my husband petitioning God on my behalf, without my knowing… but God will act, right when the time is ripe.
Some people choose business names that are catchy, others use their names, others still use something related to the product or service they are offering. So, why “snowrose blossom” for a life coach, herbalist and aspiring psychologist? On the surface, it is to represent the blossoming of the human person into flourishing and wellness, a blossoming of sorts. Snowrose, now that has more of a story!
Long long ago, in middle school, I got permission from my school principal to take high school language classes Saturday mornings at a high school. I was obsessed with Japanese culture and history, and jumped at it the moment I learned that I could take classes to learn Japanese. Yes, I was, in fact, that much of a nerd that I got up every Saturday morning and went to learn Japanese for 5 whole years. How much do I remember after not using it for a decade? Not a whole lot, but that is ok!
忘
れ
ま
す
During my classes, my friends and I came up with some OC (original characters) based off of their and my favorite anime at the time (Cough… Inuyasha… Cough… though I think they were watching Naruto). My OC’s name? 雪 薔薇 (Snow Rose). I chose this name combing two of my favorite things in nature, snow and roses. Creative, eh?
Yes, those are in fact images I created in photoshop as a teenager to show the mystery of this OC… and the made up magical flower known as the snowrose. From that point on, my gamer tag was either Yuki Bara or Snowrose and I embraced this as an expression of a facet of myself.
Fast forward to the year I turned 30, and I learned that what I had thought was a made up flower that imbued the essence of snow into a rose shape… was actually the name of a real flower!
This revelation genuinely blew my mind. Not only was this flower delightfully beautiful, it was a real, bonified, not made up flower… native to JAPAN! To top it off, it was not just a flower, it was a SHRUB! Now, to those unfamiliar with the British Comedian group known as Monty Python, go find them on youtube and have a good laugh. To those who are familiar, I was OBESSESSED with “The Holy Grail” in high school… and in particular, the knights who say NEE, or rather, the knights who now say Ikikipootangzoopoing.
My new favorite flower then became the ACTUAL snow rose, Serrissa Japanica. This name represents my own journey to blossoming and flourishing, living out my life’s calling to help others bloom into the proverbial flowers they were made to be!
Let’s journey together and BLOSSOM like springtime!
Yesterday, I received my diploma from Dominion Herbal College in the mail! I am officially a chartered herbalist. To be honest, this, of all my educational experiences had been the most satisfying, affirming, and USEFUL. I first learned about Dominion Herbal College when I was in high school, long long ago.
While it was truthfully what I wanted to learn most, as I scribbled and researched plans for a future forest garden orchard, I felt out of place applying to a college distance learning program. You see, I was in the International Baccalaureate program, and I was convinced that I ought to pursue university rather than college (in Canada there is a difference). I left off this pursuit for Linguistics and later Religious Studies… Only to come full circle in mental health and the practical application of herbs for the treatment of somatic symptoms.
This last year has been particularly tricky to juggle school with homeschooling our son, while my husband’s career change has been rocky! It offered plenty of opportunity for growth and grit. I had times where I wondered if I would be able to finish the program in time, not for lack of effort or desire, but the roller coaster of life throwing curve balls my way. In the end, I finished and feel confident that this is a very important facet of my life calling.
This isn’t why I feel this diploma is the most useful part of my education though. The most useful part? For the first time in 12 years, I have a way to treat celiac reactions! For those who aren’t familiar, celiac disease is an autoimmune disease that is triggered by the ingestion of gluten. I was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2012, and I’m one of those lucky ones that react to less than 10ppm and get neurological/systemic reactions. Ever lost control over the use of your mouth, hands, limbs? Well, it isn’t so fun. Up until now, literally nothing has helped. My only option has been to be very careful for cross contamination and ride the waves of excruciating pain/debilitating neurological symptoms until they finished.
No more!! I have officially, through my studies as an herbalist, found a remedy that WORKS. It is a beautiful infusion made of slippery elm, cloves, cayenne, ginger, chamomile, cinnamon and a little bit of sugar to taste. A few weeks ago I had an accidental gluten exposure, and after taking it 3 times within the following 24h I was completely symptom free. This is the most valuable thing I have learned in my whole education.
If there is one thing that I am passionate about, it is helping an individual heal, grow and flourish. I can’t say that I have been on this road for very long, but the more I travel it, the more I realize, “yep, this is for me”. Over the last 4 years, I have had the privilege of accompanying my husband on his healing journey battling mental illness. Let’s be clear, I am no spring chicken, I’ve had my fair share having gone through major depression caused by chronic illness in my mid-twenties, and Post-Partum depression after my son was born… but there is something different walking with someone else. Was it easy? No. Was it fun? Eh, not really. Was it worth it to get to the other side and really experience them beginning to flourish and grow? You bet.
My husband and I both came into our marriage knowing we had no idea what the heck we were doing. We grew up in broken families, with divorced and remarried parents, stability wasn’t really our forte. I can’t say we did it right, but I can say we tried our best in the first years. After miscarrying twice, we had our son, our little rainbow baby. That’s when my husband’s mental health took a turn for the worse. You see, he had been working shift work for more than a decade by that point, had undiagnosed sleep apnea and the physical implications of that were really starting to hit the fan. Add in a little munchkin bundle of joy? Well, I learned that you start reliving your experiences of childhood… and either embrace them and grow or repress them and get pretty stuck in who you are. For my husband, mixing those with a toxic work environment, some added family struggles helping extended relatives, a little COVID Isolation, and well, it was enough to reach the breaking point.
It was this journey of accompanying him that set me on the path I am on now, determined to be there and accompany those who are ready to take the next active step in their lives. It took us 4 years, many hurdles and hardships, a lot of grit and even more grace, to get here, and I will never look back. Now that he has been symptom-free for almost a year, we are building a healthy home based on accountability, forgiveness, gratitude and trust; we are learning as we go and overcoming obstacles along the way. I am homeschooling our son, studying to reach my goals, and building my business.
I have to say that starting a business based on art, healing, growing and flourishing, is also not easy, but, it is oh so worth the efforts. I am loving coaching, and making art. It may be a small start, but it is the right direction and I look forward to meeting all the beautiful people who will come and join me on this path.
