Category: Reflections

Posted in Goal Setting, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Stops and Starts

Posted on by Snowrose

Sometimes I think that life is just a series of stops and starts. I’ve had such a strange relationship with education, and it continues! My next chapter begins with reapplying to my Master’s of Science in Psychology program, which I am happy to say is DONE. It feels like it has been ages because I started my master’s in the summer of 2022. I finished 3 courses and the first part of my thesis during my first year at Divine Mercy University. The program is excellent, and I love the asynchronous learning environment. It was sad when I had to take a leave of absence, but it was the right decision at the time. I am thankful that things have settled enough to get back on that pony now! My entire academic journey has been a series of stops and starts.

Stops and Starts

A time to go and stop

The reason I stopped my studies was a combination of factors. I suffered a miscarriage (we’ve had multiple; I plan to write about that sometime), and my husband’s career change process was going… well… awful. It was not the time to keep on going. I approached the change like a bookmark, not an ending, and did the hardest work of all: waiting. It took me 12 years to finish my undergrad, and I was used to that hard work of waiting and persevering, but this… felt different. When I went to university, it was because it was what I thought I ought to do. I graduated on the honor roll and earned the International Baccalaureate Bilingual Diploma in high school, so it would be a waste not to, right?

I chose linguistics because it seemed cool, and it turned out to be dramatically useful in improving my writing skills. Instead of struggling with writing due to dyslexia, I learned the English language from the inside out and could break down sentence structure to its constituent parts. I thought I would minor in music, and I went in hoping for the best. I was sorely disappointed to learn that the only music classes I could take were theory that I had already learned in high school (I took IB music). Religious studies caught my eye, and I started learning about world religions. I decided on a Double Major, like the keener I was… but then… I had to stop.

Learning what mattered

This was when my health, which had consistently been deteriorating due to undiagnosed celiac disease and a decade of black mold exposure, led me to slow down and, in many ways, stop. I graduated with a 3-year degree in four years… and stopped and started over and over again for the next 8 years to finish that elusive double major. It remains an unmet goal because by the time I had been ready to finish the last 2 courses for a major in linguistics, it had been too long to dive headlong and take 4th-year classes.

With a heavy heart, I stopped my double major and started a major in Religious Studies and a minor in Linguistics. I was so close, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life, so it wasn’t worth the difficulty to catch back up and finish those classes. I learned that it didn’t matter if I did the greatest or best program, it was ok to do MY best.

A time to go and START!

Unlike my undergraduate studies, I have a purpose and direction in taking this Master’s in Psychology. When I stopped, I took the Chartered Herbalist Diploma that I had originally planned to take AFTER! So it wasn’t even a full stop for the direction I feel called to travel. Instead, the stops and starts have been purposeful and decisive. When it is time, it is time! It has been a long 3-year wait, but I am ready and itching to get back to it. I’m excited for this next chapter!

Posted in Coaching, Health, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Taking rest in busy times

Posted on by Snowrose

This month has been surprisingly busy, and I have taken a short break from my blog/social media; taking rest in busy times is necessary. I personally find social media exceedingly tiring, and in truth, it is the first thing I will drop when life gets busy or I come down with a cold. While I do love writing, my blog is also lower on the priority list. I am hoping that November will be a bit smoother!

I think rest is underrated as an activity and should be considered a virtue in this busy world. When I say rest, though, I am not talking about doomscrolling. Taking rest involves a combination of adequate sleep and leisure.

Getting good sleep

Taking rest

A good night’s sleep is an important part of rest. I personally found the impact of sleep to be massive after my sleep apnea diagnosis. I spent years with interrupted sleep (like every mom does), but the sleep I did get was awful! You can read more about my experience with getting set up with my CPAP here. Adequate sleep means you are sleeping long enough at night with quality sleep. If you are struggling with sleep, it’s important to look at your sleep hygiene. When do you turn off screens for the day? Do you have a nightly routine? What sleep cues can you start to incorporate into your routine to help you wind down at night?

Taking rest and leisure

Leisure is the bigger part of rest that I feel is underrated in our society. Many consider being busy with a full timetable the epitome of living a good life. I argue that it is in slowing down and enjoying the present moment that you live life to the fullest. Leisure activities are things that refill you and rejuvenate you. They are fun! There is no one-size-fits-all list of leisurely activities, but take a moment and reflect: what activities refill you? I personally love ART, as you may have guessed. With this being said, I also love gardening, playing with/training my dogs, archery, video games, reading, learning theology, and playing board games. I have other interests too, but these often fill my soul when I need a leisurely activity that really hits the spot.

Posted in Coaching, Goal Setting, Health, Mental Health, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Passion: Finding and Pursuing it

Posted on by Snowrose

I’ve been listening to the audiobook “Prudence” by Fr. Gregory Pine OP recently. This, combined with life circumstances for myself and friends, has led me to think. I’ve been reflecting on the importance of pursuing your passion. While I believe there is an inherent need to work for the sake of supporting yourself or your family, I think it is wrong to settle. I don’t mean to be critical here, but I want to encourage true flourishing. In my opinion, it is a disservice to yourself and others to stagnate when you could be living a more genuine and fruitful life.

Why find your passion?

This is an important question to address. There is a trend these days to wanting to “live your best life”, but social media does not give a foothold on what this really means. In my opinion, living your best life is one where you live a life full of meaning (and the psychological sciences tend to back me on this). If you are living life, looking to the future for some place of happiness and contentment, you are missing the point. Life exists here and now in the present moment. When you are living out your passion, meaning is vibrant and service is life-giving. You may have hard days, but they don’t wear you down, leaving you empty.

What is your passion?

Some people have a clear idea of their passion, but not everyone does. Your vocational needs and state in life impact how you can live out your passion, but neither prevents you from finding it nor pursuing it when the time is right. There are many ways you can choose to live life and serve through work. Sometimes you will need to work for the sake of work, and finding your passion will come from reflecting on those experiences. In short, I believe your passion is the intersection of your interests and talents. In practice, this is actually a pretty broad space that will need discernment and reflection to narrow down.

A Venn Diagram of the intersection of Interest and Tallent showing Passion.

There are resources you can use to help you identify where you will flourish most, like the amazing work of Patrick Lencioni: 6 Types of Working Genius. I think this is an excellent tool to help you discover your passion and how to live it out most fruitfully. In general, though, if you take time to explore and really think about your interests and talents, you should find an area of overlap. The options of work that crop up from that overlap are where you are most likely to find something truly life-giving and meaningful.

A personal example:

After years of tumult accompanying my husband’s journey through mental illness and a career change, I found my passion, and he has found his. I personally realized that I am most interested in psychology, helping others, theology, and the arts. These have intersected with my talent for teaching, synthesizing information, art, and supporting others in this beautiful, budding business. I absolutely love this work and find it refilling.

My husband, after working in crime prevention, hoped to one day be a police officer, and looked at what he had enjoyed most in his jobs when he realized that was not a realistic option. He chose driving and went into the trucking industry. I can say long-distance trucking is NOT a family-oriented career, but he has finally found a position that he LOVES that suits our family’s needs. From wanting to clean up the streets of crime, he has discovered that his interests and talents overlap beautifully, keeping the streets clean… of garbage. He comes home satisfied even after a hard and messy day.

Want help finding yours?

If you aren’t sure where to start, come and see! As a coach, I can help you live out your best life and move towards flourishing and wellness.

Find out more!
Posted in Goal Setting, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Juggling Change

Posted on by Snowrose

This September, I have not been able to blog weekly like I had set as a goal. Changes in my son’s schedule and my husband’s work schedule have left me juggling change. As I mentioned in my last post on transitions, I find it pretty hard to navigate changes all at once. Juggling is my favorite metaphor for balancing the duties that come with being a wife, mother, and entrepreneur.

Juggling Change but Holding Routine

I think the successes this month have been worth the efforts to hold onto routine amid the change. Rather than blogging, I focused on a few other things this month so far. First, I published my gratitude journal, “Grow Your Happiness.” I have been delighted at the interest from an online Catholic community I am in. Then, I released some new, simple fabric designs to complement the Mini Saints and Sacraments collection on Spoonflower. I have also been working on creating French Prayer Cards to add to my free resources (the English ones were already there).

Meanwhile, on the mom front, I am getting back into the swing of my son’s various activities, homeschool routine, and adjusting the daily routines. I think one of my favorite parts of kids growing up is the enthusiasm they have for learning how to do certain chores. Obviously, my son is not interested in everything, but he has taken up learning how to vacuum with much gusto and excitement. Until this point, he was not quite old enough to use the vacuum. With the coming of the new school year and shuffling of household duties, he excitedly asked to try!

How is your household finding the September shift?

Posted in IFS, Mental Health, Reflections, Sam's adventures, Stress Management

Building Community

Posted on by Snowrose

I have often wondered what it would be like to live somewhere where building community is part of the culture. Over the last five years, I have been trying to build community intentionally, and I have found it to be needlessly hard. Canadian culture, especially in the big cities, is not anything like the international community imagines. We have an overdeveloped sense of autonomy and an individualistic mindset. From the conversations I have had with those who immigrate to Canada, the culture shock is isolating. As someone born and raised here, I love my country, but I hate the autonomy of our culture.

My experience has been common: building community is hard. It is easier to live interdependently in rural areas, but in the city? Oh boy, individualism is the ideal. This has been detrimental to our population for so many reasons. While everyone has a fundamental integrity need for agency, individualism takes this principle too far. People wonder why rates of mental illness are continuously on the rise in Canada. The simplest answer? Broken homes and no community. I realize those topics are heavy and loaded, but as an adult child of divorce, I can attest to the impact of both. Canada is a land with so much potential, despite its cosmopolitan history. It’s not too late to turn things around for the next generations.

The solution? Intentional Community Building.

If we want to turn the tide on mental illness and suicide, we need to work intentionally to make and foster a culture of community. To be honest, we need to embrace the Canadian stereotype and welcome the level of hospitality and kindness that the international stage believes we have. To be honest, I don’t know the steps needed to make that change, but I know it is the direction that we need to go.

It has taken me 5 years to start seeing the fruit of building up a community at my local parish, with consistent support from my friends who live in other parts of the city. It took even longer to overcome the internalized autonomy. I believe every effort is worth it. As I have learned more about psychology, I’ve come to understand the importance of community. We are a species that thrives on healthy interdependence. Isolation kills, community gives life. Let’s work together on building a community.

Posted in Coaching, Mental Health, Reflections, Stress Management, Trauma

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Posted on by Snowrose

As an adult child of divorce, there have been many lessons I missed receiving due to the nature of my family situation. One of these was the idea of forgiveness. This is especially true when looking at forgiveness and reconciliation. I’ve come to learn in my adult life that these are two very different but interwoven concepts. Like many others in broken families, I have worked to learn about what I didn’t get. In this way, I hope to break the cycle and live out a resilient family life with my husband and son.

Forgiveness is for me

To begin, I think a fundamental realisation is that forgiveness is not actually for the other person. Forgiveness is for me. If I have been injured in some way, forgiveness is not pretending it was ok, sweeping it under the rug, or becoming a doormat. Unlike these examples, forgiveness means recognizing I am rightfully owed a debt of injustice, whatever that injustice may be. You can only truly forgive by acknowledging what happened. Forgiveness says, “I recognize you cannot pay for this injustice, and I forgive you the debt”. Forgiveness means I allow myself to process and release the emotions of hurt and pain. This means I recognize the broken humanity in us both and choose not to harbor it against you.

Reconciliation is for you

This is where the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation comes in. In choosing to forgive, I choose not to hold onto it, but that does not mean that the injury to the relationship is ignored. Whether I re-establish the relationship and how, now that is reconciliation, not forgiveness. I have forgiven the debt owed, and from there, have to establish boundaries and see whether the transgression is reconcilable. To rebuild a relationship after injury to trust, both parties must show accountability. If one or the other cannot acknowledge their behaviors healthily, it is not possible to reconcile. Next, the injured party chooses forgiveness, and the injuring party exemplifies a genuine desire to change. If the one who has caused harm refuses to change, then boundaries need to be set to protect yourself. There is no one-size-fits-all how-to-reconcile, but those are the fundamentals to see if it is possible!

How to model these as a parent

In my youth, I was not modelled either forgiveness or reconciliation. I am a firm believer that modelling is the most effective parenting strategy, and the science is there to back me up. “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t promote sound psychology or human formation. Teaching your child to apologize helps them learn accountability. Saying you forgive them is only a small part of modeling forgiveness and reconciliation. To truly model it, you need to allow them the opportunity to forgive as well. This means apologizing when you misbehave as a parent, and let’s be real- we all do. Allowing your child to practice forgiveness can prevent the common childhood wounds of shame, support emotional regulation, and encourage resilient self-confidence. By teaching your child both how to be accountable and to forgive, you uphold their dignity and show them a better way to relate and live.

Posted in Catholic, Coaching, Health, Mental Health, Prayer, Reflections, Sam's adventures, Stress Management, Trauma

Why Everything at Once?

Posted on by Snowrose

I was having a conversation with a friend recently, who has been going through many many trials, all converging at once. She was feeling distressed, with good reason, but also found deep confusion over why God was allowing this timing.

In these circumstances it may seem like God is leaving you standing with no direction, or that you are being left to solve everything on your own. In my experience, counterintuitively, these circumstances are actually always an invitation.

An invitation? To chaos and pain? Well, no, an invitation to go deeper. Deeper into your relationship with Him, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others.

Diving Deep

Going through life, there are always situations that are difficult and distressing, but they don’t necessarily mean you will experience an overwhelming level of emotions. When life events stir up a huge cascade of emotions inside, there are generally 2 main causes.

  1. You do not have a FELT sense of having enough support from your internal resources or social support network.
  2. The big emotions were already there inside, and you are in a situation that is poking at the places you did not receive love, support, and safety throughout your life.

An invitation

This is where the invitation comes in. In the first example, if you are in a difficult situation without feeling supported- it’s time to reach out and get help. That is no easy task, because it may not feel safe to do so, but you would be surprised how many people have lived through similar situations and who may have an attentive ear. You are not alone in the journey, others are traveling through the storms like you.

If your heart is being flooded by the intensity of your past experiences, that’s where you are being invited deeper into a relationship with God and yourself. Those places that you have lived through hardships that were held onto are usually there because the original experience was like scenario 1. You didn’t have the external connections necessary for post-traumatic growth. These are the places that we protect ourselves from the most inside, the places of trauma–big “T” and little “t” alike. Truly, these are the places that God wants to come into for healing and communion. These are the places we shut everyone out from, ourselves, others, and God alike.

But why?

Can’t he just take it all away? Make it better? Of course, but only with an invitation in, entering into the worst of it freely. God allows the circumstances of our lives to be invitations to self-reflection and awareness of the pains that we hold inside our hearts so that we can invite Him in on our own time to finally meet those unmet needs. We are made with such dignity that God will not tread freely through our hearts but will wait patiently until we are ready to say yes.

If life is getting too much, will you open the door?

Posted in Reflections, Sam's adventures

Why “Snowrose blossom”?

Posted on by Snowrose

Some people choose business names that are catchy, others use their names, others still use something related to the product or service they are offering. So, why “snowrose blossom” for a life coach, herbalist and aspiring psychologist? On the surface, it is to represent the blossoming of the human person into flourishing and wellness, a blossoming of sorts. Snowrose, now that has more of a story!

Long long ago, in middle school, I got permission from my school principal to take high school language classes Saturday mornings at a high school. I was obsessed with Japanese culture and history, and jumped at it the moment I learned that I could take classes to learn Japanese. Yes, I was, in fact, that much of a nerd that I got up every Saturday morning and went to learn Japanese for 5 whole years. How much do I remember after not using it for a decade? Not a whole lot, but that is ok!

忘

れ

ま

す

During my classes, my friends and I came up with some OC (original characters) based off of their and my favorite anime at the time (Cough… Inuyasha… Cough… though I think they were watching Naruto). My OC’s name? 雪 薔薇 (Snow Rose). I chose this name combing two of my favorite things in nature, snow and roses. Creative, eh?

Yes, those are in fact images I created in photoshop as a teenager to show the mystery of this OC… and the made up magical flower known as the snowrose. From that point on, my gamer tag was either Yuki Bara or Snowrose and I embraced this as an expression of a facet of myself.

Fast forward to the year I turned 30, and I learned that what I had thought was a made up flower that imbued the essence of snow into a rose shape… was actually the name of a real flower!

Serrissa Japonica: the Snow Rose

Photo: NCU. “Serrissa Japonica; Snowrose”. https://plants.ces.ncsu.edu/plants/serissa-japonica/

This revelation genuinely blew my mind. Not only was this flower delightfully beautiful, it was a real, bonified, not made up flower… native to JAPAN! To top it off, it was not just a flower, it was a SHRUB! Now, to those unfamiliar with the British Comedian group known as Monty Python, go find them on youtube and have a good laugh. To those who are familiar, I was OBESSESSED with “The Holy Grail” in high school… and in particular, the knights who say NEE, or rather, the knights who now say Ikikipootangzoopoing.

Photo: Reddit. Mame Serissa Japonica (Snow Rose) – My First Bloom! https://www.reddit.com/r/Bonsai/comments/r8fb6n/mame_serissa_japonica_snow_rose_my_first_bloom/?rdt=53973

My new favorite flower then became the ACTUAL snow rose, Serrissa Japanica. This name represents my own journey to blossoming and flourishing, living out my life’s calling to help others bloom into the proverbial flowers they were made to be!

Let’s journey together and BLOSSOM like springtime!