Author: Snowrose

Posted in Coaching, Mental Health, Reflections, Stress Management, Trauma

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Posted on by Snowrose

As an adult child of divorce, there have been many lessons I missed receiving due to the nature of my family situation. One of these was the idea of forgiveness. This is especially true when looking at forgiveness and reconciliation. I’ve come to learn in my adult life that these are two very different but interwoven concepts. Like many others in broken families, I have worked to learn about what I didn’t get. In this way, I hope to break the cycle and live out a resilient family life with my husband and son.

Forgiveness is for me

To begin, I think a fundamental realisation is that forgiveness is not actually for the other person. Forgiveness is for me. If I have been injured in some way, forgiveness is not pretending it was ok, sweeping it under the rug, or becoming a doormat. Unlike these examples, forgiveness means recognizing I am rightfully owed a debt of injustice, whatever that injustice may be. You can only truly forgive by acknowledging what happened. Forgiveness says, “I recognize you cannot pay for this injustice, and I forgive you the debt”. Forgiveness means I allow myself to process and release the emotions of hurt and pain. This means I recognize the broken humanity in us both and choose not to harbor it against you.

Reconciliation is for you

This is where the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation comes in. In choosing to forgive, I choose not to hold onto it, but that does not mean that the injury to the relationship is ignored. Whether I re-establish the relationship and how, now that is reconciliation, not forgiveness. I have forgiven the debt owed, and from there, have to establish boundaries and see whether the transgression is reconcilable. To rebuild a relationship after injury to trust, both parties must show accountability. If one or the other cannot acknowledge their behaviors healthily, it is not possible to reconcile. Next, the injured party chooses forgiveness, and the injuring party exemplifies a genuine desire to change. If the one who has caused harm refuses to change, then boundaries need to be set to protect yourself. There is no one-size-fits-all how-to-reconcile, but those are the fundamentals to see if it is possible!

How to model these as a parent

In my youth, I was not modelled either forgiveness or reconciliation. I am a firm believer that modelling is the most effective parenting strategy, and the science is there to back me up. “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t promote sound psychology or human formation. Teaching your child to apologize helps them learn accountability. Saying you forgive them is only a small part of modeling forgiveness and reconciliation. To truly model it, you need to allow them the opportunity to forgive as well. This means apologizing when you misbehave as a parent, and let’s be real- we all do. Allowing your child to practice forgiveness can prevent the common childhood wounds of shame, support emotional regulation, and encourage resilient self-confidence. By teaching your child both how to be accountable and to forgive, you uphold their dignity and show them a better way to relate and live.

Posted in Art, Catholic, celiac disease, Sam's adventures

Trust the Process

Posted on by Snowrose

A little while ago, I was working on a drawing for a friend for confirmation. I realized this would be a good time to share a bit of my process. I’m sure professionally trained artists may wince a bit. Still, outside of the regular school curriculum, I believe fashion design was the only course I ever took that covered drawing techniques.

Despite this, I’ve always loved to draw and practiced consistently throughout my life. I think I’d be a better artist if I didn’t lose motor function from neurological damage due to celiac disease. In some ways, that challenge makes the art I am capable of more special. I don’t get to rest on my abilities; I have to work at it, and relearn if I have accidental gluten exposure. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen too often, but a couple of times a year presents challenges (can’t escape the word filled with wheat products).

When I draw, I tend to lay out the general outline of the subject. After that, I will sketch in detail to see tentatively if I like how it will look. From there, it’s erase and refine… on repeat. This particular design, called “Confirmation,” was drawn with graphite and pencil crayon. I keep the main subjects in grey to emphasize the unseen reality of the Holy Spirit descending during this sacrament. It was very fun to draw! You can find prints on Redbubble if you are interested.

Posted in celiac disease, Healing through Nature, Health, Herbalism, Recipes

Sam’s Celiac Remedy

Posted on by Snowrose

This was not actually what I had planned to write about this week, but I’ve decided that it’s the best time to share this remedy. I had two back-to-back celiac reactions 2 weeks ago, and I want to share both what helped and how big of a difference this herbal remedy makes in my recovery.

Step by Step visual guide:

To make this recipe, gather your ingredients first. I sourced the base remedy from The Tea Store here in Ottawa and the Slippery Elm Powder from Herbies Herbs in Toronto. Many of the herbs in the base recipe are fairly easy to come by, but quality does matter when you are working with remedies that support your body’s innate healing processes. I find having individual pre-made doses ready to go has been extremely useful. My husband can prep the infusion for me without any worry when I am too sick myself by simply plopping the mini container’s worth into the teapot. I have included the cayenne with the remedy in these mini jars.

When preparing the remedy, I always choose to cover the spout of the teapot as well. Infusions like this contain volatile compounds that evaporate within the first few minutes of exposure to boiling water. These are the compounds that the body needs most to move from acute illness to healing, so although you would not lose many through the spout, I prefer to cover it.

Let’s start steeping!

While the infusion is steeping, I recommend you wait before starting on the slippery elm. If you prepare the slippery elm too early, your drink will turn from a mildly thick chia seed (or basil seed) like texture to a lumpy, mucousy goo, which can be unpleasant to drink. My husband does not like the texture of the well-mixed, smooth slippery elm, so there is an option to make the recipe with milk or non-dairy milk as well. That gives you a drink with a texture somewhere between latte foam and marshmallow. If using milk, heat the milk on low in a covered saucepan for 15 minutes to infuse the milk with the herbs.

Another important note when preparing the slippery elm powder is to fully incorporate the brown sugar and elm. This prevents clumping and promotes a smooth texture. When the two are mixed, you can move on to adding the cold water. Here you will mix it until it has a consistency similar to a roux when baking.

When mixed, add to your mug and top up with your infusion. The drink tastes delicious (so long as you don’t mind the texture). I find I need to drink it 3 times after a celiac reaction if there is a single CC exposure before I am nearly back to normal.

How it Helps

Herbal remedies are wonderful ways to support your body in healing, but aren’t cures. They give you what you need when you need it to repair tissue damage and bring back homeostasis.

In using this remedy, I find it accomplishes everything needed to address SYSTEMIC autoimmune flare-ups that I experience with celiac disease. As I learned from this last double-whammy reaction set, it doesn’t pass the blood-brain barrier or help directly with neurological symptoms. I experience neurological damage (I have damage in my cerebellum, the neurologist believes it is celiac and not MS because of my history and the occurrence of neurological symptoms during celiac flare-ups). The first of the two CC only gave gastro and joint symptoms, but the second, oh, it was fully body and brain.

The BIG Impact for Me

Unlike previous accidental CC, this time I was much sicker after the 2nd reaction. Before formulating this remedy as a Chartered Herbalist, reactions like this would leave me sick for weeks. Prolonged neurological symptoms would last for weeks to months. Recovery from the loss of motor function took time and dedicated practice to work with my neuroplasticity. This time, I recovered from the majority of the bodily symptoms within 4 days. The neurological symptoms have mostly cleared up 2 weeks later. I still have some light and sound sensitivity above normal, but my balance and motor skills are back up to par, and the headache is gone. Is this a game changer for my overall quality of life? You BET!

Posted in Health, Sam's adventures

Healthy cleaning? Norwex to the rescue!

Posted on by Snowrose

As an individual with chemical sensitivity, I have struggled to find cleaning products that my system can tolerate (other than vinegar and soap– those are great). One of my best friends introduced me to a company she loves, and I have not looked back since!

Norwex offers deep and thorough cleaning products that are free from harsh chemicals! I love their emphasis on low environmental impact, sustainability, and mechanical cleaning solutions.

Although I have not tried every product, I have nothing but good things to say about what I have used. I have personally found their laundry detergent leaves clothes smelling clean, with no perfumes, and I have had no adverse skin reactions! Their latest laundry deep clean detergent tackles even the worst dog messes with ease, which is more than I can say for other brands I have used in the past.

Our son ADORES the chenille hand towels, and drying after hand washing is simple when he pets the cute “pet to dry” towels. Their kitchen scrubbers are wonderful to use. I have tried samples of their oven cleaner, surface cleaner, and a few other products. I love their products! If you are looking for safe cleaning products without the harsh chemicals or fumes, give Norwex a try!

Posted in ADHD, Goal Setting, Mental Health

Habitica: Happy little dings for doing all the things..

Posted on by Snowrose

Over the last few months, I have been using a productivity app that has been surprisingly impactful in my day-to-day functioning as a mom with ADHD. My husband had been trying to find ways to compensate for his memory issues that don’t involve asking me to remind him, and with the help of ChatGPT, found a list of different apps that are supposedly meant to help with ADHD, memory, and productivity. Now, when I say memory issues, I mean that he has the textbook case where if he is not hyper-focusing on whatever it is, it goes in one ear and out the other (completely unintentional, too). This is lifelong ADHD struggle territory, and I’ll be honest, not much has worked over the years except me carrying the mental load, which, let’s be real, isn’t sustainable.

Habitica App!

In comes: Habitica. Originally, I downloaded the app to support him because he figured gamifying his life would probably be fun (we are both gamers after all). Did it help? Oh, man, did it ever. He has been successfully using it for several months, and I RARELY have to remind him of things. In general, if something hadn’t been done on his dailies, he chose not to do it because he wasn’t feeling well. Now here’s the kicker: I’ve been the one using the app MORE than him!

My normal way of coping with my lack of executive function is to hold onto the thought of all the things that need to get done in a mind palace like Sherlock Holmes’. It takes a tremendous amount of effort, and mixing that with compassion fatigue and masking led to me becoming burned out last year. While I have been learning to not mask 24/7 (IFS and parts work with the RCC has been a game changer), allow myself to stim when I need to regulate, and become more compassionate with myself, at the same time my husband demonstrated huge improvements in his mental health, I never really found a way around carrying the big mental load.

Reducing the mental load

In using Habitica, I have unloaded the giant mental load of all the things I plan to do and all the steps to take. I have a GINORMOUS to-do list, with steps broken down neatly. The length of the to-do list is a relief because I am no longer going over it in my mind on repeat to make sure I follow through (lest it be lost in the void).

Habitica is also programmed such that the longer something is on the to-do list, the more difficult it is to finish, and it adjusts the rewards accordingly. This has been massively validating, as many of the projects on my to-do list are longer-term (such as uploading designs to Spoonflower or Redbubble, making resources, or finishing the books that are in progress). I have habits set for tracking virtue and various ways I want to grow as a person. I’ve even learned how to set up my monthly virtue challenges to be hosted on there, too! You can join for June, where we practice growing in trust HERE.

… and finally… the most delightful little dings for doing daily things. I don’t know about you all, but I find with my particular flavor of neuro-spicy deficiencies, I get ABSOLUTELY NO dopamine from completing a task. Does that prevent me from getting stuff done? Well, no. I do it anyway because I learned long ago that action begets motivation and… I’m as stubborn as a bull.

An impressive impact…

Although I found taking medication a few years ago helped with sensory processing disorder, and getting that little “oh look! I did a thing!” dopamine release, it hasn’t been sustainable to stay on them for several reasons. In general, I usually hate bell noises of any kind, but this app has a ding that is lovely to me. I put together my list of dailies, and with the party I’ve formed with my husband and a few friends, I get to share the fun I’ve found in this relief of my mental load. We hold each other accountable through the quest feature, and it has brought a lot of good! I wouldn’t say this app will help everyone, but if you think it may help, I highly recommend you give it a try!

Posted in Catholic, Coaching, Health, Mental Health, Prayer, Reflections, Sam's adventures, Stress Management, Trauma

Why Everything at Once?

Posted on by Snowrose

I was having a conversation with a friend recently, who has been going through many many trials, all converging at once. She was feeling distressed, with good reason, but also found deep confusion over why God was allowing this timing.

In these circumstances it may seem like God is leaving you standing with no direction, or that you are being left to solve everything on your own. In my experience, counterintuitively, these circumstances are actually always an invitation.

An invitation? To chaos and pain? Well, no, an invitation to go deeper. Deeper into your relationship with Him, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others.

Diving Deep

Going through life, there are always situations that are difficult and distressing, but they don’t necessarily mean you will experience an overwhelming level of emotions. When life events stir up a huge cascade of emotions inside, there are generally 2 main causes.

  1. You do not have a FELT sense of having enough support from your internal resources or social support network.
  2. The big emotions were already there inside, and you are in a situation that is poking at the places you did not receive love, support, and safety throughout your life.

An invitation

This is where the invitation comes in. In the first example, if you are in a difficult situation without feeling supported- it’s time to reach out and get help. That is no easy task, because it may not feel safe to do so, but you would be surprised how many people have lived through similar situations and who may have an attentive ear. You are not alone in the journey, others are traveling through the storms like you.

If your heart is being flooded by the intensity of your past experiences, that’s where you are being invited deeper into a relationship with God and yourself. Those places that you have lived through hardships that were held onto are usually there because the original experience was like scenario 1. You didn’t have the external connections necessary for post-traumatic growth. These are the places that we protect ourselves from the most inside, the places of trauma–big “T” and little “t” alike. Truly, these are the places that God wants to come into for healing and communion. These are the places we shut everyone out from, ourselves, others, and God alike.

But why?

Can’t he just take it all away? Make it better? Of course, but only with an invitation in, entering into the worst of it freely. God allows the circumstances of our lives to be invitations to self-reflection and awareness of the pains that we hold inside our hearts so that we can invite Him in on our own time to finally meet those unmet needs. We are made with such dignity that God will not tread freely through our hearts but will wait patiently until we are ready to say yes.

If life is getting too much, will you open the door?

Posted in celiac disease, Recipes, Sam's adventures

Belated Christmas Food Adventure: Pepperpot

Posted on by Snowrose

I have wanted to write up this post for months, but, as I mentioned in my last blog post: my great ideas were derailed. Well, now is better than never!

A grand adventure in search of nostalgia!

I grew up in Ontario and had the opportunity to visit my grandparents out in Alberta every few years for Christmas. Those years, Christmas was filled with delightful memories of family, fun, and food! We would spend part of the visit with my maternal grandpa, enjoying delicious European foods, and part of the visit at my paternal grandparents’ house enjoying family recipes from their homeland of Guayana, South America. My grandparents came to Canada when my father was 10, and brought with them long-held family traditions, including our very own pepperpot recipe. This year, I finally asked my grandparents for the recipe to make it over Christmas! Now, I am not actually giving you guys the recipe, but sharing the absolute adventure I had… of making pepperpot with celiac disease.

Pepperpot, a dish for special occasions!

For those who aren’t familiar with it, pepperpot is actually the national dish of Guayana and is commonly served for breakfast at special occasions like Christmas. While you can now buy “pepperpot” sauce from President’s Choice Brand, my grandparents heavily stressed: … that… is…. not… pepperpot. Why? Because every true pepperpot recipe contains one special ingredient: Cassareep. Cassareep is a delicious extract sourced from cassava, used in Guayanese and other South American cooking. Herein lies the heart of this food adventure. I learned the hard way that Cassareep, at least all the ones imported to Canada…. ALWAYS HAS WHEAT!

What to do?

I… doing the very best research I could, through the help of one of my best friends… erroneously attempted to MAKE my own Cassareep. Now, I learned AFTER making the sauce, that Cassareep needs to be made with bitter cassava… which… is not imported in Canada due to the high arsenic levels (which… in part are what give Cassareep the distinct flavor as the arsenic is cooked off). Did I know this? No… of course not. Thankfully, I researched this before cooking the meats, because they are stewed over the course of 3 days.

Cooking process:

Instead of leaving the stew on the stovetop like you can with real cassareep (it has preservative qualities from the cassareep), I stewed it over many hours, let it cool, and stored it in the fridge overnight. This process was repeated over 3 days leading up to Christmas.

How it turned out?

While it was not exactly true to our family’s recipe because of my own dietary restrictions, my goodness was this ever a delicious meal to have for breakfast on Christmas morning! The flavors were nostalgic despite the missing Cassareep and were honestly fairly close because of my attempt that turned into a kind of cassava sauce. The meal was shared with my in-laws and I was so happy to share such an important part of my childhood with them, but more importantly: with my son. It filled me with joy that he enjoyed the meal. It meant so much that I was able to share this special tradition with another generation!

All in all, I would say that the recipe failed successfully! It may not be the family recipe to the T, but it was the closest I could do, and look forward to making it again next year.

Posted in ADHD, Coaching, Goal Setting, Sam's adventures

Captured busy!

Posted on by Snowrose

My goodness! My well-intentioned goal of writing and contributing to this blog weekly has most certainly fallen through! This is a great place for my own self-reflection on the past season and look ahead to how I can do things differently next time.

First things first: why am I sharing my own pitfalls with you, dear reader? Well, to show that even if you look put-together, life is a process of learning and growing… for EVERYONE! I think what caught me off guard with this particular goal was a divide in my focus. In establishing this business, I’ve been working at the turtle’s pace, bit by bit. It started as homework for my Master’s degree in my “flourishing and development plan”, as a simple portfolio of my art, and has slowly blossomed into something bigger– and a little more immediate than my eventual goal of becoming a fully licensed psychologist. In the last few months though, I’ve had a lot of clarity for the direction I want to take this up-and-coming business to really hit the ground running. That’s where I stumbled: too many ideas at once.

Maintaining Balance

It’s always tricky with ADHD to see where the balance in that divided attention can be maintained. I’ve personally found my many interests and ability to hyper-focus to outweigh the impact of diminished executive function, especially when I take the steps needed for the support I require. In this case, I definitely bit off more than I could chew. So what now? Well, I’ll use a very helpful tool that DMU (Divine Mercy University) introduced me to in that same “flourishing and development plan” homework. WOOP!

No, no, I don’t mean to just exclaim exuberantly, though really it is a sound I make when I’m excited. WOOP is a really helpful system designed to take goal setting to the next level. It stands for:

So let’s WOOP my goal together:

Your WOOP Summary
Your Wish: Have an active blog
Your best Outcome: I’d write posts at least once a week
Your inner Obstacle: Getting distracted by other priorities
Your Plan: If “Getting distracted by other priorities” then I will “Choose a day to write and that be the business task”

Want to WOOP your goals too? Here is the practice space!

Posted in Sam's adventures

What a HAPPY Mother’s Day!

Posted on by Snowrose

This weekend was an exceptional Mother’s Day!

Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!

I think we had an extra special day this year because unlike in previous years, there was some intentionality in planning to actually do something special. In previous years the hectic chaos of life got a bit in the way and in many ways, BOTH of our ADHD brains drop the ball HARD when chaos enters the scene. So what did we do? The day started with a relaxed morning, before heading to the bus to church for mass. Going to mass as a family is genuinely a highlight of my weekends.

After mass, we took a surprisingly gorgeous family photo by a beautiful blossoming tree, before heading for the walk home. We stopped at Timmy’s, where we grabbed some cool refreshing drinks and enjoyed the walk home… up-hill, and down-hill, as our street crests directly between our house and the church. When we got home we had a relaxed lunch before… BAKING CUPCAKES! I think decorating the cupcakes together as a family was a really fun time, and definitely something we will be doing more often. We used the Betty Crocker gluten free devil’s food cake mix, and I am happy to report that the quality on these box mixes continues to impress. The cupcakes had a good crumb, and were delicious!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Posted in Catholic, Health, Sam's adventures

Sometimes healing is unexpected…

Posted on by Snowrose

As we come to the end of January, I can’t help but reflect on the upcoming anniversary that I don’t think I could ever have anticipated until it happened. 4 years ago, this February 21, God healed me in a powerful and miraculous way. It was unexpected, unanticipated and wholly life changing.

You see, I have celiac disease that went undiagnosed until I was 20, which had by then wreaked havoc on my system. Within a year of diagnosis I was diagnosed with co-morbid conditions and complications that at the time were deemed permanent. The decade of life proclaimed as the greatest time for self discovery and exploration was instead forecast to be marked with severe illness, that was incurable. I was found to have fibromyalgia and inflammatory arthritis in every single joint in my body. I have a lesion in my cerebellum that my neurologist says is caused by celiac disease and I was having migraines 25+ days of the month, among other issues. It was a pretty terrible time, though God’s grace was abundant as he led me to conversion to the Catholic church.

For years I did everything I could to read the latest research, which my doctor was fully supportive of as she herself promoted patient self-advocacy. I learned to balance pushing forward in exercise with avoiding excessive flare ups that would last for months. Back then gluten free options tasted, as a friend once brilliantly said, “like rice and sadness”, but I was making the most of the situation. I offered my pain in union with Christ’s cross, and truthfully never thought to ask for my own healing. I was too focused on learning natural remedies that actually helped when the medications caused strange and often disorienting side effects.

When you least expect it…

Then, it happened when I least expected it. I went to the Tuesday night adoration evening at our local parish, and sitting in front of the monstrance I was captivated. It is not possible to put it into words that would accurately describe the experience, but it was as though the monstrance was simultaneously standing on the altar but super imposed with the infant Jesus in the manger and the adult Jesus on the cross. I was transfixed on this scene when I heard in my soul the very clear message that God was answering my husband’s prayers and was healing the permanent conditions right then and there. I understood that anything left over would be curable over time, with some effort.

You see, even though I hadn’t been praying for my own healing, my husband had been praying a raw and honest prayer for 7 years. He had been agnostic when we met, though he couldn’t deny the impact my relationship with God had, so he prayed “God, if you are real, heal her”. I had gone into the church with labored breath, ungraceful movements constricted by arthritic joints, and left painless walking with ease. My close friend saw the difference immediately when we got up to leave at the end of the holy hour, and asked what happened. I shared it, delighted.

The healing journey continues…

I still struggle with celiac disease, though the reactions are no where near as bad or long lasting, and a few conditions that are treatable (like the most recent discovery of sleep apnea and nocturnal hypoxemia), but since that day I have been changed and capable of so much more than I imagined. Sometimes God heals us when we least expect it. Never lose hope, never give up faith, God knows what we need and when we need it. Sometimes it takes time. In my case, 7 years of my husband petitioning God on my behalf, without my knowing… but God will act, right when the time is ripe.