Étiquette : flourishing

Publié dans Goal Setting, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Stops and Starts

Publié le par Snowrose

Sometimes I think that life is just a series of stops and starts. I’ve had such a strange relationship with education, and it continues! My next chapter begins with reapplying to my Master’s of Science in Psychology program, which I am happy to say is DONE. It feels like it has been ages because I started my master’s in the summer of 2022. I finished 3 courses and the first part of my thesis during my first year at Divine Mercy University. The program is excellent, and I love the asynchronous learning environment. It was sad when I had to take a leave of absence, but it was the right decision at the time. I am thankful that things have settled enough to get back on that pony now! My entire academic journey has been a series of stops and starts.

Stops and Starts

A time to go and stop

The reason I stopped my studies was a combination of factors. I suffered a miscarriage (we’ve had multiple; I plan to write about that sometime), and my husband’s career change process was going… well… awful. It was not the time to keep on going. I approached the change like a bookmark, not an ending, and did the hardest work of all: waiting. It took me 12 years to finish my undergrad, and I was used to that hard work of waiting and persevering, but this… felt different. When I went to university, it was because it was what I thought I ought to do. I graduated on the honor roll and earned the International Baccalaureate Bilingual Diploma in high school, so it would be a waste not to, right?

I chose linguistics because it seemed cool, and it turned out to be dramatically useful in improving my writing skills. Instead of struggling with writing due to dyslexia, I learned the English language from the inside out and could break down sentence structure to its constituent parts. I thought I would minor in music, and I went in hoping for the best. I was sorely disappointed to learn that the only music classes I could take were theory that I had already learned in high school (I took IB music). Religious studies caught my eye, and I started learning about world religions. I decided on a Double Major, like the keener I was… but then… I had to stop.

Learning what mattered

This was when my health, which had consistently been deteriorating due to undiagnosed celiac disease and a decade of black mold exposure, led me to slow down and, in many ways, stop. I graduated with a 3-year degree in four years… and stopped and started over and over again for the next 8 years to finish that elusive double major. It remains an unmet goal because by the time I had been ready to finish the last 2 courses for a major in linguistics, it had been too long to dive headlong and take 4th-year classes.

With a heavy heart, I stopped my double major and started a major in Religious Studies and a minor in Linguistics. I was so close, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life, so it wasn’t worth the difficulty to catch back up and finish those classes. I learned that it didn’t matter if I did the greatest or best program, it was ok to do MY best.

A time to go and START!

Unlike my undergraduate studies, I have a purpose and direction in taking this Master’s in Psychology. When I stopped, I took the Chartered Herbalist Diploma that I had originally planned to take AFTER! So it wasn’t even a full stop for the direction I feel called to travel. Instead, the stops and starts have been purposeful and decisive. When it is time, it is time! It has been a long 3-year wait, but I am ready and itching to get back to it. I’m excited for this next chapter!

Publié dans Coaching, Health, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Taking rest in busy times

Publié le par Snowrose

This month has been surprisingly busy, and I have taken a short break from my blog/social media; taking rest in busy times is necessary. I personally find social media exceedingly tiring, and in truth, it is the first thing I will drop when life gets busy or I come down with a cold. While I do love writing, my blog is also lower on the priority list. I am hoping that November will be a bit smoother!

I think rest is underrated as an activity and should be considered a virtue in this busy world. When I say rest, though, I am not talking about doomscrolling. Taking rest involves a combination of adequate sleep and leisure.

Getting good sleep

Taking rest

A good night’s sleep is an important part of rest. I personally found the impact of sleep to be massive after my sleep apnea diagnosis. I spent years with interrupted sleep (like every mom does), but the sleep I did get was awful! You can read more about my experience with getting set up with my CPAP here. Adequate sleep means you are sleeping long enough at night with quality sleep. If you are struggling with sleep, it’s important to look at your sleep hygiene. When do you turn off screens for the day? Do you have a nightly routine? What sleep cues can you start to incorporate into your routine to help you wind down at night?

Taking rest and leisure

Leisure is the bigger part of rest that I feel is underrated in our society. Many consider being busy with a full timetable the epitome of living a good life. I argue that it is in slowing down and enjoying the present moment that you live life to the fullest. Leisure activities are things that refill you and rejuvenate you. They are fun! There is no one-size-fits-all list of leisurely activities, but take a moment and reflect: what activities refill you? I personally love ART, as you may have guessed. With this being said, I also love gardening, playing with/training my dogs, archery, video games, reading, learning theology, and playing board games. I have other interests too, but these often fill my soul when I need a leisurely activity that really hits the spot.

Publié dans Coaching, Goal Setting, Health, Mental Health, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Passion: Finding and Pursuing it

Publié le par Snowrose

I’ve been listening to the audiobook “Prudence” by Fr. Gregory Pine OP recently. This, combined with life circumstances for myself and friends, has led me to think. I’ve been reflecting on the importance of pursuing your passion. While I believe there is an inherent need to work for the sake of supporting yourself or your family, I think it is wrong to settle. I don’t mean to be critical here, but I want to encourage true flourishing. In my opinion, it is a disservice to yourself and others to stagnate when you could be living a more genuine and fruitful life.

Why find your passion?

This is an important question to address. There is a trend these days to wanting to “live your best life”, but social media does not give a foothold on what this really means. In my opinion, living your best life is one where you live a life full of meaning (and the psychological sciences tend to back me on this). If you are living life, looking to the future for some place of happiness and contentment, you are missing the point. Life exists here and now in the present moment. When you are living out your passion, meaning is vibrant and service is life-giving. You may have hard days, but they don’t wear you down, leaving you empty.

What is your passion?

Some people have a clear idea of their passion, but not everyone does. Your vocational needs and state in life impact how you can live out your passion, but neither prevents you from finding it nor pursuing it when the time is right. There are many ways you can choose to live life and serve through work. Sometimes you will need to work for the sake of work, and finding your passion will come from reflecting on those experiences. In short, I believe your passion is the intersection of your interests and talents. In practice, this is actually a pretty broad space that will need discernment and reflection to narrow down.

A Venn Diagram of the intersection of Interest and Tallent showing Passion.

There are resources you can use to help you identify where you will flourish most, like the amazing work of Patrick Lencioni: 6 Types of Working Genius. I think this is an excellent tool to help you discover your passion and how to live it out most fruitfully. In general, though, if you take time to explore and really think about your interests and talents, you should find an area of overlap. The options of work that crop up from that overlap are where you are most likely to find something truly life-giving and meaningful.

A personal example:

After years of tumult accompanying my husband’s journey through mental illness and a career change, I found my passion, and he has found his. I personally realized that I am most interested in psychology, helping others, theology, and the arts. These have intersected with my talent for teaching, synthesizing information, art, and supporting others in this beautiful, budding business. I absolutely love this work and find it refilling.

My husband, after working in crime prevention, hoped to one day be a police officer, and looked at what he had enjoyed most in his jobs when he realized that was not a realistic option. He chose driving and went into the trucking industry. I can say long-distance trucking is NOT a family-oriented career, but he has finally found a position that he LOVES that suits our family’s needs. From wanting to clean up the streets of crime, he has discovered that his interests and talents overlap beautifully, keeping the streets clean… of garbage. He comes home satisfied even after a hard and messy day.

Want help finding yours?

If you aren’t sure where to start, come and see! As a coach, I can help you live out your best life and move towards flourishing and wellness.

Find out more!
Publié dans Goal Setting, Reflections, Sam's adventures

Juggling Change

Publié le par Snowrose

This September, I have not been able to blog weekly like I had set as a goal. Changes in my son’s schedule and my husband’s work schedule have left me juggling change. As I mentioned in my last post on transitions, I find it pretty hard to navigate changes all at once. Juggling is my favorite metaphor for balancing the duties that come with being a wife, mother, and entrepreneur.

Juggling Change but Holding Routine

I think the successes this month have been worth the efforts to hold onto routine amid the change. Rather than blogging, I focused on a few other things this month so far. First, I published my gratitude journal, “Grow Your Happiness.” I have been delighted at the interest from an online Catholic community I am in. Then, I released some new, simple fabric designs to complement the Mini Saints and Sacraments collection on Spoonflower. I have also been working on creating French Prayer Cards to add to my free resources (the English ones were already there).

Meanwhile, on the mom front, I am getting back into the swing of my son’s various activities, homeschool routine, and adjusting the daily routines. I think one of my favorite parts of kids growing up is the enthusiasm they have for learning how to do certain chores. Obviously, my son is not interested in everything, but he has taken up learning how to vacuum with much gusto and excitement. Until this point, he was not quite old enough to use the vacuum. With the coming of the new school year and shuffling of household duties, he excitedly asked to try!

How is your household finding the September shift?

Publié dans Coaching, Goal Setting, Health, Mental Health, Sam's adventures, Stress Management

Exciting update: Grow Your Happiness

Publié le par Snowrose

Publishing soon!

Over the past two years, I have been steadily working on a book titled “Grow Your Happiness.” In this book, I offer a method of increasing your baseline happiness through intentional gratitude. The front matter explores the scientific literature on dispositional happiness (the day-to-day baseline happy feeling you return to after ups and downs) and how gratitude can increase that.

The book is almost ready for publication and will be published in September!

In “Grow Your Happiness”, I have made the scientific information accessible and easy to read, despite citing over 20 studies and primary sources. You will learn the real impacts of this virtue on the happiness you experience. Next, after exploring how gratitude can make you a happier person, you will find 365 prompts. These prompts were intentionally chosen to increase the breadth and depth of this important virtue steadily over time.

A sneak peek inside:

I’ve given the book a sunflower theme, with earth tone colours. There will be a Kindle edition in plain text for anyone who wants to use their preferred journal. I chose the sunflower theme to symbolize the journey of growing happiness. Sunflowers are beautiful plants whose blossoms always look towards the sun. After all, they need direct sunlight and grow into huge flowers that brighten up any space they are planted in. Accordingly, I hope that everyone who uses this journal can also look at the proverbial sun of gratitude and blossom into happier people!

Here is an example of the journal theme:

I hope that this book will reach many people. I believe it will make a dramatic impact if used intentionally. Gratitude is such an important virtue! Although this book focuses on increasing dispositional happiness, the research shows much more. There is research coming out showing that gratitude can positively impact your relationships, health, and more!

Publié dans Health, Sam's adventures

Sleeping Soundly: a Cautionary Tale

Publié le par Snowrose

Sleeping soundly is a phrase that mothers tend to forget over the years. From the moment your baby is born, sleeping seems to become a thing of the past. Some children sleep well, and their mothers are blessed with sleep. I did not experience that. My sweet boy was born and did not sleep through the night until he was 3, by which point I was not sleeping through the night for another year. Then, over the last two years, I found that sleep no longer brought rest, even when I did sleep through the night. Turns out… I have sleep apnea!

I should have investigated this sooner, but to be honest, I didn’t know my poor sleep was not a normal part of motherhood. Sleeping had become difficult and unrestful, and I chalked it up to being a lighter sleeper… that is, until I started waking in the middle of the night feeling as if I were choking. It took getting quite bad before investigating! Nearly 9 months ago, I went for a sleep test. They found that my windpipe collapsed during REM and my oxygen went to 76%. I was likely experiencing this for the majority of my motherhood, but did not take my sleep needs seriously.

Although CPAP therapy took some time to get used to, it has made an INCREDIBLE difference. When I got my CPAP back in March, I found that I could not use the full mask without many leaks throughout the night. I’ve been using the Brevida Nasal Pillow mask instead. It took around two weeks to adjust to the air pressure in the CPAP at night. Instead of waking up choking, I would wake up with intense air pressure to keep my windpipe open. Within a month, I was relaxing so much that I needed to wear a chin strap to keep my mouth closed. This setup has continued to work for me and has become a very consistent sleep cue. It may look silly and weird, but it has made a WORLD of difference in my energy.

To any moms out there struggling with daytime exhaustion, restless sleep and sleepiness: don’t wait, investigate. If you are silently suffering from sleep apnea, you aren’t sleeping soundly. You matter and ought to prioritize your needs. It takes over a year to see the metabolic changes from treating sleep apnea. Over time, you will feel better and you will find sleeping finally breathes the life back into you!

Publié dans Coaching, Mental Health, Reflections, Stress Management, Trauma

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Publié le par Snowrose

As an adult child of divorce, there have been many lessons I missed receiving due to the nature of my family situation. One of these was the idea of forgiveness. This is especially true when looking at forgiveness and reconciliation. I’ve come to learn in my adult life that these are two very different but interwoven concepts. Like many others in broken families, I have worked to learn about what I didn’t get. In this way, I hope to break the cycle and live out a resilient family life with my husband and son.

Forgiveness is for me

To begin, I think a fundamental realisation is that forgiveness is not actually for the other person. Forgiveness is for me. If I have been injured in some way, forgiveness is not pretending it was ok, sweeping it under the rug, or becoming a doormat. Unlike these examples, forgiveness means recognizing I am rightfully owed a debt of injustice, whatever that injustice may be. You can only truly forgive by acknowledging what happened. Forgiveness says, “I recognize you cannot pay for this injustice, and I forgive you the debt”. Forgiveness means I allow myself to process and release the emotions of hurt and pain. This means I recognize the broken humanity in us both and choose not to harbor it against you.

Reconciliation is for you

This is where the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation comes in. In choosing to forgive, I choose not to hold onto it, but that does not mean that the injury to the relationship is ignored. Whether I re-establish the relationship and how, now that is reconciliation, not forgiveness. I have forgiven the debt owed, and from there, have to establish boundaries and see whether the transgression is reconcilable. To rebuild a relationship after injury to trust, both parties must show accountability. If one or the other cannot acknowledge their behaviors healthily, it is not possible to reconcile. Next, the injured party chooses forgiveness, and the injuring party exemplifies a genuine desire to change. If the one who has caused harm refuses to change, then boundaries need to be set to protect yourself. There is no one-size-fits-all how-to-reconcile, but those are the fundamentals to see if it is possible!

How to model these as a parent

In my youth, I was not modelled either forgiveness or reconciliation. I am a firm believer that modelling is the most effective parenting strategy, and the science is there to back me up. “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t promote sound psychology or human formation. Teaching your child to apologize helps them learn accountability. Saying you forgive them is only a small part of modeling forgiveness and reconciliation. To truly model it, you need to allow them the opportunity to forgive as well. This means apologizing when you misbehave as a parent, and let’s be real- we all do. Allowing your child to practice forgiveness can prevent the common childhood wounds of shame, support emotional regulation, and encourage resilient self-confidence. By teaching your child both how to be accountable and to forgive, you uphold their dignity and show them a better way to relate and live.

Publié dans ADHD, Goal Setting, Mental Health

Habitica: Happy little dings for doing all the things..

Publié le par Snowrose

Over the last few months, I have been using a productivity app that has been surprisingly impactful in my day-to-day functioning as a mom with ADHD. My husband had been trying to find ways to compensate for his memory issues that don’t involve asking me to remind him, and with the help of ChatGPT, found a list of different apps that are supposedly meant to help with ADHD, memory, and productivity. Now, when I say memory issues, I mean that he has the textbook case where if he is not hyper-focusing on whatever it is, it goes in one ear and out the other (completely unintentional, too). This is lifelong ADHD struggle territory, and I’ll be honest, not much has worked over the years except me carrying the mental load, which, let’s be real, isn’t sustainable.

Habitica App!

In comes: Habitica. Originally, I downloaded the app to support him because he figured gamifying his life would probably be fun (we are both gamers after all). Did it help? Oh, man, did it ever. He has been successfully using it for several months, and I RARELY have to remind him of things. In general, if something hadn’t been done on his dailies, he chose not to do it because he wasn’t feeling well. Now here’s the kicker: I’ve been the one using the app MORE than him!

My normal way of coping with my lack of executive function is to hold onto the thought of all the things that need to get done in a mind palace like Sherlock Holmes’. It takes a tremendous amount of effort, and mixing that with compassion fatigue and masking led to me becoming burned out last year. While I have been learning to not mask 24/7 (IFS and parts work with the RCC has been a game changer), allow myself to stim when I need to regulate, and become more compassionate with myself, at the same time my husband demonstrated huge improvements in his mental health, I never really found a way around carrying the big mental load.

Reducing the mental load

In using Habitica, I have unloaded the giant mental load of all the things I plan to do and all the steps to take. I have a GINORMOUS to-do list, with steps broken down neatly. The length of the to-do list is a relief because I am no longer going over it in my mind on repeat to make sure I follow through (lest it be lost in the void).

Habitica is also programmed such that the longer something is on the to-do list, the more difficult it is to finish, and it adjusts the rewards accordingly. This has been massively validating, as many of the projects on my to-do list are longer-term (such as uploading designs to Spoonflower or Redbubble, making resources, or finishing the books that are in progress). I have habits set for tracking virtue and various ways I want to grow as a person. I’ve even learned how to set up my monthly virtue challenges to be hosted on there, too! You can join for June, where we practice growing in trust HERE.

… and finally… the most delightful little dings for doing daily things. I don’t know about you all, but I find with my particular flavor of neuro-spicy deficiencies, I get ABSOLUTELY NO dopamine from completing a task. Does that prevent me from getting stuff done? Well, no. I do it anyway because I learned long ago that action begets motivation and… I’m as stubborn as a bull.

An impressive impact…

Although I found taking medication a few years ago helped with sensory processing disorder, and getting that little “oh look! I did a thing!” dopamine release, it hasn’t been sustainable to stay on them for several reasons. In general, I usually hate bell noises of any kind, but this app has a ding that is lovely to me. I put together my list of dailies, and with the party I’ve formed with my husband and a few friends, I get to share the fun I’ve found in this relief of my mental load. We hold each other accountable through the quest feature, and it has brought a lot of good! I wouldn’t say this app will help everyone, but if you think it may help, I highly recommend you give it a try!

Publié dans Catholic, Coaching, Health, Mental Health, Prayer, Reflections, Sam's adventures, Stress Management, Trauma

Why Everything at Once?

Publié le par Snowrose

I was having a conversation with a friend recently, who has been going through many many trials, all converging at once. She was feeling distressed, with good reason, but also found deep confusion over why God was allowing this timing.

In these circumstances it may seem like God is leaving you standing with no direction, or that you are being left to solve everything on your own. In my experience, counterintuitively, these circumstances are actually always an invitation.

An invitation? To chaos and pain? Well, no, an invitation to go deeper. Deeper into your relationship with Him, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others.

Diving Deep

Going through life, there are always situations that are difficult and distressing, but they don’t necessarily mean you will experience an overwhelming level of emotions. When life events stir up a huge cascade of emotions inside, there are generally 2 main causes.

  1. You do not have a FELT sense of having enough support from your internal resources or social support network.
  2. The big emotions were already there inside, and you are in a situation that is poking at the places you did not receive love, support, and safety throughout your life.

An invitation

This is where the invitation comes in. In the first example, if you are in a difficult situation without feeling supported- it’s time to reach out and get help. That is no easy task, because it may not feel safe to do so, but you would be surprised how many people have lived through similar situations and who may have an attentive ear. You are not alone in the journey, others are traveling through the storms like you.

If your heart is being flooded by the intensity of your past experiences, that’s where you are being invited deeper into a relationship with God and yourself. Those places that you have lived through hardships that were held onto are usually there because the original experience was like scenario 1. You didn’t have the external connections necessary for post-traumatic growth. These are the places that we protect ourselves from the most inside, the places of trauma–big “T” and little “t” alike. Truly, these are the places that God wants to come into for healing and communion. These are the places we shut everyone out from, ourselves, others, and God alike.

But why?

Can’t he just take it all away? Make it better? Of course, but only with an invitation in, entering into the worst of it freely. God allows the circumstances of our lives to be invitations to self-reflection and awareness of the pains that we hold inside our hearts so that we can invite Him in on our own time to finally meet those unmet needs. We are made with such dignity that God will not tread freely through our hearts but will wait patiently until we are ready to say yes.

If life is getting too much, will you open the door?

Publié dans ADHD, Coaching, Goal Setting, Sam's adventures

Captured busy!

Publié le par Snowrose

My goodness! My well-intentioned goal of writing and contributing to this blog weekly has most certainly fallen through! This is a great place for my own self-reflection on the past season and look ahead to how I can do things differently next time.

First things first: why am I sharing my own pitfalls with you, dear reader? Well, to show that even if you look put-together, life is a process of learning and growing… for EVERYONE! I think what caught me off guard with this particular goal was a divide in my focus. In establishing this business, I’ve been working at the turtle’s pace, bit by bit. It started as homework for my Master’s degree in my “flourishing and development plan”, as a simple portfolio of my art, and has slowly blossomed into something bigger– and a little more immediate than my eventual goal of becoming a fully licensed psychologist. In the last few months though, I’ve had a lot of clarity for the direction I want to take this up-and-coming business to really hit the ground running. That’s where I stumbled: too many ideas at once.

Maintaining Balance

It’s always tricky with ADHD to see where the balance in that divided attention can be maintained. I’ve personally found my many interests and ability to hyper-focus to outweigh the impact of diminished executive function, especially when I take the steps needed for the support I require. In this case, I definitely bit off more than I could chew. So what now? Well, I’ll use a very helpful tool that DMU (Divine Mercy University) introduced me to in that same “flourishing and development plan” homework. WOOP!

No, no, I don’t mean to just exclaim exuberantly, though really it is a sound I make when I’m excited. WOOP is a really helpful system designed to take goal setting to the next level. It stands for:

So let’s WOOP my goal together:

Your WOOP Summary
Your Wish: Have an active blog
Your best Outcome: I’d write posts at least once a week
Your inner Obstacle: Getting distracted by other priorities
Your Plan: If “Getting distracted by other priorities” then I will “Choose a day to write and that be the business task”

Want to WOOP your goals too? Here is the practice space!